


In The Last Moment

by Yushi



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Oneshot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 08:02:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7676596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yushi/pseuds/Yushi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the only race they both wish they could forfeit...</p><p>...he was grateful in the last moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Last Moment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kim Nikki](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Kim+Nikki).



> An attempt to write a dramatic piece of work. Still unedited so please pardon the typographical errors. Oh, I almost forgot. This is posted by a different name in another website but I already took it down. (Not like anybody knows of it)

Chanyeol and Baekhyun had been together for years and their love for each other still grows as time goes on. Their relationship started back when they were in high school.

Baekhyun was always teased of being gay because of his mellowness whereas Chanyeol was praised as the ‘strongest guy’ in class because of his physical standing.

Nobody could have predicted that Chanyeol would end up dating the petite man. Their story began when Baekhyun was being bullied by the same group of guys. The bullies would always huddle around Baekhyun at the far corner of their classroom and they would begin with words until things get physical.

Chanyeol never cared about what the bullies were doing and he never even turned an eye to what was happening. His usual days at the school were blissful whilst Baekhyun’s were miserable. However one time before lunchbreak, just a few seconds before the bell even rang, Baekhyun already rushed outside from their classroom.

In his haste, he accidentally bumped onto Chanyeol’s desk. Chanyeol paid no mind but Baekhyun apologized hysterically as though as his life was on the line and immediately left thereafter.

And it was no sooner than a moment when the same faces who always huddles around Baekhyun followed his back.

Still, Chanyeol disregarded what he saw and proceeded at the back of the school where he always eats his lunch. Coincidentally, Baekhyun was there too along with the tireless bullies picking on him again.

Two boys held Baekhyun’s arms as another one took his bag and turned it upside down, scouring his items for anything good to be confiscated and that was when Chanyeol made his move.

Approaching the bullies, he called out to them, “Hey!”

The three turned to Chanyeol and flinched the moment they realized who called. Before Chanyeol could even reach them, the three bullies fled.

Baekhyun was grateful for Chanyeol’s help but he was too shy to even give his thanks to his savior. He could only smile awkwardly and turn his eyes away. Somehow, whatever he did captivated Chanyeol’s interest and out of Chanyeol’s pity, he told Baekhyun that he’ll look after him.

He felt the need to protect Baekhyun because of his fragileness.

And after a few months, the two became best friends.

When that happened, nobody on campus ever dared to bully Baekhyun again in fear that Chanyeol might beat them up and Baekhyun’s miserable days were ended.

When their friendship flourished in their high school years, Baekhyun felt that it was becoming something more. Maybe it was his naivety back then that had clouded his mind into not seeing that he was already in love with his best friend but the moment he realized that it was actually love, he readied himself.

On the night of their graduation day, Baekhyun took Chanyeol at the back of their school building and confessed to him that he was already in love. Baekhyun readied himself for the rejection. He just wanted Chanyeol to know but to his surprise, the giant swept him up his feet and there, they had their first kiss.

After moving up a tier from their education, they also moved a tier from their relationship.

~…~

College hadn’t been kind to fate the two together. They were on separate campuses and each of them was loaded with majors. Chanyeol took civil engineering while Baekhyun took architecture. Although there were a few minor subjects where they were together, it never lasted longer than two semesters.

Since they moved up from their friendship, they always planned on building their house together. Inside Baekhyun’s dorm, Chanyeol wrote “FIGHT” on a piece of paper and stuck it on the wall above Baekhyun’s study table and Baekhyun did the same inside Chanyeol’s dorm. It was their incentive for when they would feel like they wouldn’t make it, they would keep on fighting.

And that got them through their hardships.

On the rare occasions when Chanyeol would have the same vacant period as Baekhyun, he would always invite Baekhyun to eat street foods outside school premises. Although their vacant periods never lasted more than an hour, Chanyeol would always say “Make the most of it.” And he would pull Baekhyun close as they eat.

Baekhyun would just laugh and agree and then scold Chanyeol on the phone the night after because they were late on their subjects. But nevertheless, they kept on doing it despite their repetitive tardiness.

~…~

In their final year of college, most of their subjects were time consuming but all in the morning and afternoon. Both of them were surprised when they didn’t have a night class which had been present among them since their first year.

Chanyeol’s subject lasted until five PM and Baekhyun’s lasted until six. They were overjoyed to have found out that they could hang out with each other more – they could finally eat dinner together and eating dinner together for them in the past years was just occasional. It would be like every night’s an occasion. And both of them looked forward to that.

In their first dinner together in the final year, they chose somewhere classy just to “Make the most of it,” according to Chanyeol.

Baekhyun accepted Chanyeol’s term but he did contradict, saying, “Your ‘make the most of it’ is gonna run us broke.”

Chanyeol chortled, “Only on the first night, Baek,” he took a sip from his wine, “Nothing would beat the street foods we eat. Not even a five-star restaurant.”

They laughed and Baekhyun agreed with Chanyeol’s remark. Street foods have been their tradition back in high school and even on the rare times in college. It wasn’t the plane taste they were after but the memories. Street foods were part of their relationship and it was a reminder (and a savior of budget!).

When they finished eating dinner, Chanyeol decided that he would be sleeping in Baekhyun’s dorm. Baekhyun refused for the reason that their first subject in the morning is early. Besides, sleeping in another dorm is prohibited and could lead to warnings and then expulsion.

Chanyeol didn’t mind. It was only for one night, he thought and besides he wanted so bad to sleep beside Baekhyun. He couldn’t recall the last time they shared the same beds and he certainly missed sleeping with the petite man inside his arms even though he would wake up numbed in the morning.

“Just for one night, Baek,” Chanyeol pleaded, “I promise you I’ll leave early so I could prepare in my dorm and even arrive before anyone else in my first class.”

It took a while for Chanyeol to convince Baekhyun but he knew well what his boyfriend’s weakness is. With a few flowery words and subtle touches, Baekhyun succumbed.

Hugging the giant, they went inside Baekhyun’s dorm together.

Baekhyun had been alone inside his dorm since the last semester. Apparently, his roommate had been expelled due to bad behavior and the school didn’t replace an occupant so Baekhyun had the room for himself.

The bed was good for one person and Chanyeol believed that that was a good thing. He could now sleep closer to Baekhyun.

When they were both lying under the same blanket with Chanyeol facing Baekhyun directly, he saw the note he had written a few years ago still intact on the same spot where he stuck it.

_“FIGHT”_

And Chanyeol was reminded of their plan in the future. “Hey, Baek,” Chanyeol rose up with his elbow, “Where would you like to settle our house?”

Baekhyun shrugged, “Where would you like to settle it?” he returned after not knowing what to say.

“I want to hear yours first,” Chanyeol demanded.

Pondering for a while, Baekhyun turned to the opposite side, looking around the posters of his room and even on the cream ceiling. “Well if it were just me, I’d probably choose a place outside the city.”

“In a village then?” Chanyeol asked.

“I don’t want neighbors,” Baekhyun said in a whisper but took it back immediately, “I mean if you’re okay with neighbors, I’m fine with it too.”

Chanyeol encircled his hands around Baekhyun’s waist and thereafter pulled him close, their bodies touching. Biting his lower lip, he nodded his head as if the mere thought of having neighbors wasn’t acceptable to him, “Nah, I don’t like having neighbors.”

Baekhyun chortled.

Chanyeol continued, “I want a place where it’s just you and me from the moment we wake up until the moment we sleep together.”

Baekhyun hid the blush on his face. Scratching his cheek with one finger, he retorted sheepishly, “Well, if that’s how you want it then I guess I’ll have to go along.”

“Don’t pretend you don’t like it. It’s what you want,” Chanyeol caressed Baekhyun’s cheek with the back of his hand, “and it’s what I want too. After we build our house, we are going to get married and have our honeymoon there and we will make love every night until our honeymoon is over.”

“That sounds excitingly terrifying,” Baekhyun commented.

Chanyeol pecked Baekhyun on the forehead, “Make the most of it.” Soon after, he rested back on the bed and invited Baekhyun to sleep. He did have to wake up early tomorrow.

~…~

When they graduated college, there was one last obstacle they had to face. Both of them must pass the examination to be a licensed engineer and architect and most of their time had been dedicated to studying.

They put more time on books than their selves and during that time, it became rare for them to do anything a couple would. Although they decided that they would stay in the same apartment as they reviewed, in the morning they would go their separate ways and in the evening, hold books in front of their faces, completely blocking them of the subtlest glance.

But what they did was for their future together and that mindset alone preserved their love.

~…~

When their awaited day had come and both of them passed their examinations, the couple decided to celebrate together.

With the number of examiners that passed the examination, no doubt that whatever restaurant they think of would be crowded. It took a while for the twosome to think of a good restaurant but in the end, they shot each other with an idea-struck look and said in unison, “Street foods.”

On their most special day together, they dined on the park bench after buying bunches of street food from carts and stalls. Chanyeol carried all the food back to the bench as he let Baekhyun call his family, informing them of the big news.

Chanyeol sat patiently as he took a piece from a skewered treat.

After Baekhyun’s call, Baekhyun returned his phone back to his pocket and took one of the same foods Chanyeol was eating.

“So what was their reaction?” Chanyeol asked. He knew about Baekhyun’s family being strict. He knew about the pressure laid on Baekhyun since high school and college and even before the examination.

Taking a bite, Baekhyun answered, “Hard to please as always… but my mom yelped,” he laughed.

Chanyeol nodded his head slowly, “Your dad didn’t say anything?”

“He never says anything,” Baekhyun interjected.

A few seconds of silence met them. Then Baekhyun disregarded the slight disappointment he felt. Shrugging it off, he asked Chanyeol, “What about you? When are you gonna tell your family?”

“Some other time,”

“Yeol…”

“I’ll surprise them, Baek with the house we’re going to build. I’ll keep my future projects in secrecy as we save enough money to build our house.”

“And how long will that take, a few years?” Baekhyun asked.

“It’s worth the wait, Baek… if they know that I’m a successful man by then, they won’t be able to say anything about our relationship. I’ll make them see that I’m happy with you. You make me happy, Baek… so happy.”

Baekhyun swallowed. For a moment, he took the time to think if Chanyeol’s plan would work. Well if it’s for him, Baekhyun would do anything. Biting his lip, Baekhyun nodded, “If that’s your plan… okay.”

“What about your plan, Baek? How would you tell your family about us?” Chanyeol returned.

Baekhyun paused from eating. He put back his half-eaten food from where he took it and folded his arms in front of his chest, “I still don’t know. If it was just my mother, I’d have no problem… my father though – that’s gonna be a problem. But even if he rejects me, I won’t leave you. I won’t let him be a hindrance to our happiness.”

Chanyeol stood up and walked to the other end of the bench where Baekhyun was sitting. Pulling the young man up, he trapped him in an embrace, “Let’s just… make the most of it.”

~…~

The two had settled in the same apartment as they went on with their jobs. Under the same bed, which they shared, Chanyeol kept a jar labeled “Ring” and every night he would drop bills in it.

It was his efficient way of saving money to buy Baekhyun a wedding ring secretly since they were both dead-set on saving money for their house. A lot of projects mean a lot of money however most of the money would be saved in an account they shared and the rest was for their daily needs.

~…~

On every first day of the month, it became the couple’s tradition to buy one gift for each other. Chanyeol would always buy Baekhyun a monthly diary while Baekhyun would always buy something edible.

Chanyeol would always complain that it’s not fair since he won’t have a remnant of every month that passes. Baekhyun enjoyed watching the giant pout and complain about his gift and he would always say, “Make the most of it… while it still lasts.”

Chanyeol would then attack Baekhyun with tickles.

It’s been Baekhyun’s habit to write on the monthly diary he receives from Chanyeol. He never misses a day without writing not even on the days when he would return bombarded with work. Before sleeping, he would dedicate half an hour to writing all the good things that had happened to him.

He would always begin with a “Dear Yeol,” and end with, “I’m so lucky I have you,” even in the times when they have a little misunderstanding.

~…~

On simple occasions, Chanyeol and Baekhyun would spend hours deciding on where they would have dinner together. They would spend hours thinking, suggesting and arguing on where to eat but would always end up with street foods which they both always agreed on.

In their holidays, they spend the morning inside their apartment, the afternoon on malls and the night on the park. All in acting to Chanyeol’s mantra “Make the most of it.”

~…~

When there was a big project for Chanyeol, which offered a large sum of money, he knew he couldn’t decline the job. He made a promise to Baekhyun that he wouldn’t accept projects requiring him to leave the city. But with the amount of money about to be earned, they could finally build their house when he returns.

All day long, he thought of how he would approach Baekhyun, telling him of the news that’s happened. He spent hours thinking of what to say to his boyfriend until he thought of the perfect idea.

Taking his phone, he texted Baekhyun a restaurant and a set time.

~…~

On that evening, Chanyeol waited for Baekhyun to arrive. From time to time, he looked outside the window beside their table which had a magnificent view of the outside street. He looked at his watch frequently until his punctual boyfriend could be seen entering the restaurant.

The moment Baekhyun entered, all dressed fancily to meet the ambiance of the restaurant, Chanyeol raised his arm and Baekhyun noticed immediately.

Trying to hold back the smile, Baekhyun covered his mouth with the back of his hand and walked to Chanyeol’s table. “What’s the occasion?” Baekhyun seated across Chanyeol, “You know _we_ would have preferred street foods and park.” He chortled.

Chanyeol bit his lip, a slight guilt forming inside him. “I know but… make the most of it.” He laughed.

“Make the most of it,” Baekhyun repeated and smiled at how that phrase became so familiar to his ears.

The waiter gave them each a menu and as Baekhyun decided on what to eat, Chanyeol decided on what to say. He realized that putting the setting into a restaurant just made it more difficult for him to say what he wants to say. He was afraid of shattering Baekhyun’s mood especially now that he sees Baekhyun expecting good news.

When the waiter had left them, Chanyeol pushed against the backrest of the chair, giving an obvious sigh.

“What’s bothering you, Giant?” Baekhyun raised a brow and copied Chanyeol’s position. “This whole setting is suspicious,” Baekhyun glanced at Chanyeol, “Are you surprising me with something? Because I felt surprised the moment I read your text message.”

Chanyeol’s gaze couldn’t settle anywhere. One second they’re on Baekhyun and the next they were on the window. He kept on listening to Baekhyun’s guesses which were becoming wilder as he refused to say anything.

“It couldn’t be our relationship anniversary,” Baekhyun guessed again, “We just had that a few months ago. Today is also not the first day of the month so it’s not gift-giving.”

Chanyeol was aware that Baekhyun knew all of the special days they have. Baekhyun knows all the occasions by heart whilst Chanyeol only knows their anniversary and gift-giving. Still, sometimes he would even forget.

When Baekhyun recalled and repeated all of the occasions and haven’t found the day any special, he concluded, “You’ve done something wrong that I didn’t know, haven’t you? And this is your way of apologizing, am I correct?”

Chanyeol took a deep breath and straightened up his seat, “I have to tell you something, Baek.”

“Aha!” Baekhyun interjected in stern voice, “I knew it. So what did you do, Yeol?”

“Just listen to me, Baek,” Chanyeol’s voice was serious, “It’s about our house.”

After hearing Chanyeol so serious and even bringing up their house which they always wanted since college, Baekhyun matched the mood and listened seriously.

“There’s a project that’s worth a lot and by a lot, Baek, I mean a lot,” Chanyeol emphasized to make sure Baekhyun doesn’t react to soon, “and with this project, we could finally build our house. We could finally get married.”

As much as possible, Chanyeol didn’t say that he would be leaving. He wanted Baekhyun to realize that himself to spare him the guilt of having to say he’s going away.

“Then what’s holding you back?” Baekhyun asked.

Chanyeol was cornered and left with saying he’s leaving anyways. Taking a deep breath, Chanyeol said, “It’s out of town and it requires me to stay as the project is going on.”

Baekhyun seated at the backrest of the chair. It was obvious that he doesn’t want Chanyeol to leave. He wanted Chanyeol to stay with him because he was happy with him. Without saying anything at all, Baekhyun stared at one space, clicking his tongue and nodding to agree with Chanyeol.

“Are you okay, Baek?” Chanyeol asked.

“I’m fine,”

“It doesn’t seem like it,”

“I’m fine,” Baekhyun repeated with emphasis, pressing the two words out of his mouth.

Chanyeol was silenced.

When the food was laid on their table, none of them moved a muscle. Baekhyun stared at one space while Chanyeol kept tapping his finger on the table.

“One year, Baek,” Chanyeol broke the silence, “One year and we get our house.”

Baekhyun held back. He didn’t want to be dramatic but he wanted to speak his mind too. “One year is too long, Yeol and I don’t think I can adjust to a lifestyle without you.”

“Hey, hey, cheer up, Baek,” Chanyeol calmed his boyfriend.

“How can I? You’re leaving and you want me to ‘cheer up’?” Baekhyun quoted with his fingers.

“Baek,” Chanyeol said in a mellow whisper, “I have an idea. Let’s split the labor. As I work for the extra money, you can find a property we could buy.”

“What if I find one too soon?” Baekhyun asked, “What will distract me from you then?”

“How about this,” Chanyeol suggested, “You just keep looking for properties and list what you’ve liked so far. When I come back, we’ll visit each of what you’ve liked and choose one then we start with our house, get married, honeymoon and happily ever after.”

Baekhyun was reluctant but eventually, he agreed, “Happily ever after?”

Chanyeol smiled, “We’ll live happily ever after!” his voice became too loud. Then in a whisper, he repeated, “Happily ever after, Baek with just you and me.”

“Alright,” Baekhyun smiled, “But on your birthday, I will visit you. I have a surprise and I put a lot of effort in it. Just send me the address, okay?”

“Okay,” Chanyeol agreed, “Now let’s eat. The food’s cold.”

~…~

When the day came that Chanyeol had to leave, Baekhyun made sure to pack everything Chanyeol needed but not everything he owned. Chanyeol wasn’t going away forever and Baekhyun wanted remnants of Chanyeol to remain inside their apartment so he’d have something of him.

Baekhyun had his own work to attend to in the morning but he didn’t mind to be late for once. He’s been punctual all his working days and being late because his boyfriend will be away for one year was a good enough reason.

Stretching the folds of Chanyeol’s polo for the nth time, he stared at the tall man for long, sadness in his eyes.

Chanyeol tipped Baekhyun’s chin with his thumb and index finger, “Hey, don’t be sad… you’ll be visiting me on my birthday, right? I’m looking forward to that.”

Baekhyun held the tears back and nodded his head, “Yes and I think you’ll love my surprise.”

“I know I’ll love it,” Chanyeol cupped Baekhyun’s face with his hands.

There, Baekhyun couldn’t hold the tears anymore. He completely buried his face on Chanyeol’s chest, gasping and huffing.

Chanyeol couldn’t help but feel Baekhyun’s sadness transfer to him. He was already sad that he had to leave and seeing Baekhyun cry for the first time in years, made him want to stay but he couldn’t. He was willing to sacrifice a year for their happily ever after.

Breaking the hug, Chanyeol prevented Baekhyun from saying anything more with a swift, long kiss. Baekhyun tiptoed up and returned Chanyeol’s action.

And when Chanyeol was about to walk out the door, letting go of Chanyeol’s polo was the hardest thing Baekhyun did for the day.

“Don’t forget to call me every night,” Chanyeol said as he walked out, “and don’t forget to send me sweet messages to get me by,” he continued, “and don’t forget to visit.”

Baekhyun nodded his head as he caressed his arms then he suddenly remembered, “Yeol, wait!”

Chanyeol paused before he could twist the doorknob. He watched Baekhyun rush inside their room and heard a few galumphing sounds.

Baekhyun returned with an old, rustic paper folded to a square. Opening it slowly, he handed it to Chanyeol.

 _“FIGHT”_ was written on the paper and Chanyeol smiled when he realized that it was the same paper Baekhyun put inside his dorm back in their college years.

“I’ll be sure to frame this and look at it when I wake up and before I go to bed.”

“Please do,” Baekhyun smiled, wiping a tear from his eye.

“You should frame yours too so you have something to help you find a good land.”

Folding the paper back carefully, Chanyeol put it in the compartment of his travel bag along with other important documents.

Bidding their last goodbye, Chanyeol kissed Baekhyun on the forehead, “I love you, Baek.”

“I love you too, Yeol,”

~…~

In the first month when Chanyeol was gone, Baekhyun oftentimes mistake buying dinner for two people. Even in the times when he would cook or shop some groceries, he would always include Chanyeol.

Then he would remind himself that Chanyeol was away, working hard so he should work hard too.

When the first day of the month entered, Baekhyun automatically went to the candy store where he buys his gifts to Chanyeol. The owner had eventually memorized Baekhyun’s face as a monthly buyer and he would sometimes give Baekhyun free chocolates.

When the owner of the store saw Baekhyun, there was already a basket of chocolates waiting for his purchase.

“I handpicked these on the sweets you bought most,” said the old man behind the counter, “I know you usually buy just one chocolate but take the others as a treat from me.”

Baekhyun smiled, “Thank you.” As he took his wallet to pay for the chocolates, he remembered that Chanyeol wasn’t with him anymore. Nonetheless he bought the chocolates.

He handed the owner his money and immediately, the man asked, “Is there something bothering you?”

Baekhyun realized that he wasn’t displaying a sociable expression. Coughing, Baekhyun answered, “I just suddenly remembered that I have no one to give these chocolates to.”

“Did something happen between you and your lover?”

“He’s away at a construction project and I won’t be seeing him for a while…”

The man nodded his head. Looking at the shelf of candies and chocolates, the man took out a container and gave Baekhyun a piece, “Try eating this.”

Curious, Baekhyun took the chocolate and ate it. There was a sudden change in his mood. He felt slightly lifted and he couldn’t help but smile.

The old man smiled with contentment as he watched Baekhyun, “Chocolates trigger the happy hormones,” the man said, “The happiness won’t last forever, I can tell you that but it’s the same with loneliness. Nothing in this world lasts forever.”

“Just like the chocolate I ate,” Baekhyun joked, “It’s already in my stomach.”

The old man chuckled.

“Then what about love?” Baekhyun asked, “Can love last forever?”

“Love can last a lifetime,” the man said, “It’s up to you on how you can make it last forever in the next life,” he laughed.

~…~

On Baekhyun’s vacant time, he would spend his money commuting just outside the city finding lands for sale which would go in his favor. Both him and Chanyeol already agreed that they would settle down somewhere with no neighbors.

A serene place would suffice – surrounded by vegetation and a clear view at the nighttime sky.

When Baekhyun arrived at a vacant lot, the first he considered was the terrain – if it’s safe from floods and landslides. Then he checked if the area has a good signal and connection from the city and lastly, he considered the distance.

From their apartment to this vacant lot, it’s a thirty-minute drive.

Baekhyun listed the address and added it to the list of his favored lands before taking numerous pictures and a video representation which he would show Chanyeol the night after.

From vacant lot to vacant lot, Baekhyun kept on searching. Many were favorable and met the standards he set and he only felt excited to show them to Chanyeol.

On the night when they called, Chanyeol was so happy when Baekhyun kept telling him about the properties he found. So far, everything was for sale. Although Chanyeol was stressed, he kept on smiling for Baekhyun. Not because he has to but because he really was happy.

On their video call, Chanyeol took out a frame containing the paper with the word “FIGHT” in it and Baekhyun took out his. After showing each other their framed incentives, Chanyeol reminded Baekhyun of how he misses him.

It was the first thing Chanyeol said on their first video call and he kept on saying it every night. Baekhyun did the same but at the end of every call; at least they get to know how they were missing each other.

~…~

After six months, Chanyeol felt something wrong with him. He was easily fatigued, nauseous and even fainted one time during work. He was seized to a clinic but without diagnosis since he left before the nurse could even treat him.

His life on the new city, where his project was, was strictly work and rest. His mindset was finishing the project and returning home to Baekhyun where they will immediately begin with their house.

His nausea and fatigue became so frequent that he decided to finally admit himself to the hospital. Chanyeol hoped that it was just a fever due to his stress and emotional overuse of being away from Baekhyun.

But the doctor diagnosed him with something more complex and life-threatening.

“Is it curable?” Chanyeol asked in a low voice. He didn’t want to seem hysterical over his life even though he would.

“There are treatments,” the doctor answered indirectly.

And Chanyeol knew what the doctor meant, “So it’s to just slow the process, huh?”

“I can give you medicines that will help you through the day without faltering but without treatment, the medicines will eventually be futile.”

Chanyeol nodded, without saying anything more.

~…~

On the last month of Chanyeol’s project and also the month when Baekhyun would be visiting him for his birthday, Chanyeol erased the stress on his face. He hid it with a thin layer of makeup just to match the tone of his skin and he already took his medicine so Baekhyun won’t see him.

On the phone, they argued for hours on where they would eat. Despite Baekhyun’s lack of knowledge on the city where Chanyeol was, he claimed that he researched on some good restaurants from the web but Chanyeol told him he’s already tried them and didn’t like it.

In their lingering conversation, when Baekhyun’s train almost arrived, he decided that they will try the city’s street food.

“It would be foreign in our tastes and we could find a park–”

“I think we should dine at a restaurant,” Chanyeol intercepted. It was the first time they didn’t agree on eating street foods and Baekhyun felt anew.

He felt slightly disappointed that Chanyeol had to disagree with him but if it’s what his boyfriend wanted, he didn’t contradict.

After the long pause in their line, Baekhyun adjusted his voice, “Of course. Since you know the place, why don’t you choose the restaurant?”

Chanyeol nodded his head on the other line, “Okay…”

“Okay…”

Their conversation ended with “Okay” which defined their situation. Okay wasn’t supposed to be the adjective. Since it was Chanyeol’s birthday, Baekhyun expected Chanyeol to be a bit happier and excited that he’ll be arriving but all the while they were talking, Baekhyun could feel a negative vibe radiating from Chanyeol.

It might be miscommunication since they weren’t seeing any expressions from each other but Baekhyun knows his own boyfriend inside out. Even if they were separated with a wall and talking, he could tell if Chanyeol was upset and right now, his instincts were telling him that he was.

When Baekhyun arrived, he disregarded his assumptions and searched for the tall man amidst the crowd of people. After spotting Chanyeol because of his emphasizing height, Baekhyun ran to Chanyeol and embraced him.

“I missed you so much,” Baekhyun rubbed his face against Chanyeol’s chest.

Slowly, Chanyeol returned the hug, “Let’s get going.”

He let Baekhyun clung on his arm as they walked out of the train station back to Chanyeol’s apartment.

~…~

The first thing Baekhyun saw when Chanyeol opened his apartment door was the framed paper saying “FIGHT” just below the wall clock.

Chanyeol rested on his sofa for a while and caught up with his breath. They walked a distance but Baekhyun didn’t feel tired at all. He wondered about Chanyeol since he was always the one with the greater endurance.

Baekhyun dropped his things on one side and sat beside Chanyeol on the sofa. Wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s body, Baekhyun pecked Chanyeol’s jawline, “Haven’t got enough rest?”

“Lately,” Chanyeol replied shortly.

“Can I see a smile from the birthday boy?” Baekhyun teased and rubbed his face against Chanyeol’s side.

Chanyeol groaned and ignored Baekhyun.

When Baekhyun felt that Chanyeol wasn’t in the mood for jokes, he pulled back and sat with a gap between them.

Only the ticking of the clock could be heard and when Baekhyun noticed it was too quiet, he went back to his things and carefully hid his surprise for Chanyeol.

Breaking the silence as Baekhyun searched for a spot he could hide his surprise, he asked, “So this is the last month, huh?”

Chanyeol nodded but didn’t say anything.

“You know I could stay with you here for the rest of the month. I haven’t accepted any contracts lately and–”

“No,” Chanyeol almost yelled, “I mean… that’s not such a good idea. Don’t miss out on your work, Baek.”

Baekhyun began suspecting on Chanyeol but didn’t say anything. Inside, he just felt a hurt poking his heart. But he didn’t let his suspicion ruin Chanyeol’s special day. It was the first time they were together after so long and he refused to ruin it.

They missed out many occasions since Chanyeol left and this is the first occasion they will be celebrating together. No matter what happens, Baekhyun will make Chanyeol happy.

Dropping all his negative thoughts and feelings, Baekhyun invited Chanyeol out.

~…~

They spent the afternoon jumping from mall to mall.

Baekhyun tried his best to cheer up the seemingly bored giant but his methods weren’t very effective. When Chanyeol would smile, it would be when he’s asking if they could sit for a while.

In most of their time together at the malls, Baekhyun seemed like the hyperactive child and Chanyeol seemed like the stressed father. Baekhyun was only trying to cheer Chanyeol but no matter how hard he tried, Chanyeol wouldn’t smile.

His conversations with Chanyeol were also one-sided and when Chanyeol would answer, it would either be a short nod or simple, “Mmm.”

Despite Chanyeol’s bitter mood, Baekhyun remained outgoing, still persistent on influencing his boyfriend with some of his positivity.

~…~

When the day was about to end and Baekhyun still couldn’t make Chanyeol enjoy his birthday, he went to his last resort.

When they had dinner outside the restaurant Chanyeol chose, Baekhyun reminded Chanyeol of the surprise he told him almost a year ago.

“Hey, Yeol,” Baekhyun shot him the brightest smile, “Do you remember the surprise I told you?”

Chanyeol thought for a while and then he remembered, “Oh?”

Baekhyun handed Chanyeol a tube container across the table, “I’ve worked really hard on it and I based it on what you like,” Baekhyun fiddled his fingers, seeming sheepish of the man before him.

Chanyeol held the container delicately with his hands. He held back the tears that were about to come. He didn’t want Baekhyun to see him crying.

When Chanyeol opened the blueprints to the house they’ve been planning to build for years, it was then when the tears escaped his eyes. He couldn’t hold them back anymore.

“I made a 3-D model. I have it back in my laptop at your apartment, we could have a look after dinner,” Baekhyun shot Chanyeol a smile, “Happy Birthday, Yeol.”

Chanyeol returned the blueprints back in its container and bent across the table, hugging Baekhyun, “I love you, Baek…” he muttered brokenly.

~…~

They spent the night together reviewing Baekhyun’s 3-D model of their house. Chanyeol listened painfully as Baekhyun started planning their future together. He was being crushed with every word Baekhyun released. But still, he wore a calm façade appropriate for the atmosphere.

The whole day, Baekhyun played blindly on what he was seeing. He didn’t want to suspect anything going on with Chanyeol in fear that he might ruin Chanyeol’s special day.

When they slept together after so long, Baekhyun missed the feel of Chanyeol’s hand intertwined with his.

As Chanyeol slept heavily, Baekhyun watched his sleeping face and took his hand to pair up with his. He noticed they were cold.

Taking it to his mouth, he blew warm air before standing up and checking Chanyeol’s feet. To his surprise, they were cold as well. Worried that Chanyeol might be catching a fever, Baekhyun scoured the entire room to find some warm blankets.

He checked behind the thin curtains to make sure that the windows were sealed shut and turned off the air conditioner.

When he couldn’t find any blankets, his attention was caught to a white door which he mistook for a closet and when he opened it, he was taken to Chanyeol’s bathroom.

He caught a glimpse of a container just behind the loosen cover of the mirror. Opening the small cabinet, Baekhyun saw containers with labels, “7:00 AM, 12:00PM, 7:00PM.”

He wasn’t sure why Chanyeol had those pills labeled with time and he didn’t see Chanyeol intake anything last seven PM.

Biting his fist, Baekhyun stepped back until he met the wall as he started putting together the suspicions he disregarded earlier.

~…~

Chanyeol woke up alone the next morning. When he remembered that he has to continue work, he stood up weakly but hastily into the bathroom.

The moment he opened the door, Baekhyun was sitting on the bathroom floor. Chanyeol was surprised and he ran to Baekhyun’s aid, “Baek, are you alright?”

Slowly, Baekhyun turned his head to Chanyeol as if he just arrived, “I’m fine, Yeol… but you’re not,” he whispered, “There’s something wrong with you, Yeol…”

Chanyeol’s heart skipped a beat after realizing Baekhyun had found out about his secret. He opened his mouth to protest but closed it back when he couldn’t say anything. He dropped his focus on the floor and sighed.

Baekhyun touched Chanyeol’s face with his hand, “What are you keeping from me, Yeol? And what do those medicines mean, what are they?”

Chanyeol held Baekhyun’s wrist with his cold hand but didn’t say anything.

“Answer me, Yeol. What are those medicines for?” Baekhyun raised his voice.

“They’re for so I could keep on working,” Chanyeol said without pausing, “I’m failing, Baek and I didn’t bother to be treated because it would be just a waste of money.”

Baekhyun repeated, “Just a waste of money?” he couldn’t believe the words that came out of Chanyeol’s mouth, “Is this about the house? You’re risking your own health because of the house?”

“It’s not that, Baek–”

“Then what, Yeol?” Baekhyun interjected, “You’ve been dead-set on wanting to finish our house that you had to break your promise. That was okay, Yeol. I could accept that but this,” Baekhyun gestured, “This – I cannot accept. Your life is on the line and yet you still think about the house?”

“Baek–”

“No, Yeol,” Baekhyun didn’t let Chanyeol finish, “We could work a thousand years for our house and I don’t mind. I don’t care as long as I’m with you, I’m happy. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. But I can’t believe that you put the house first before your health!”

“There’s nothing more they can do, Baek!” Chanyeol yelled, silencing the hysterical man, “I’m already done… the moment I was diagnosed, the doctor said it could be treated but won’t get any better because I was too late. With that being given, do you think I should still go with the treatment?”

“Yes!” Baekhyun interjected in a yell, “Anything to prolong your life, Yeol because I-I can’t do this,” Baekhyun stammered, “It’s been so hard without you for a year and I can’t imagine what it would be like when you’re no longer beside me.”

Chanyeol tipped Baekhyun’s chin up, “That’s why I chose to work than be treated. The house that we’ll build will be your remnant of me. If I chose to be treated, our dream together would just drift afar so please, Baek,” Chanyeol begged, his voice cracking, “While I can still work, please let me do my part in finishing our house. You’ve done yours and it’s time I do mine.”

Baekhyun nodded his head to agree, “I just have one condition, Yeol. Let the doctors treat you. I’ve been separately saving money for our health. I’ll use that money.”

Chanyeol wanted to disagree, he wanted to remind Baekhyun that it would be just a waste of money but he knew Baekhyun well that he wouldn’t let him.

“I’ll be staying here for the rest of the month,” Baekhyun demanded, “And every day after your work, we’ll go to the hospital.”

~…~

In the morning when Chanyeol would leave for work, Baekhyun would make sure that he arrives safely at the site. He would then start shopping for some groceries – mostly fruits and vegetables the doctor had mentioned.

Baekhyun monitored Chanyeol’s diet and everything he intakes. An hour before Chanyeol finishes his work; Baekhyun would already be waiting outside.

They rarely ate outside since Baekhyun had a brief research about Chanyeol’s illness. They stopped their tradition of eating street foods even on the times when Chanyeol would beg Baekhyun. The hard part was saying ‘no’ to Chanyeol.

Since Chanyeol’s treatment, he became a little better compared to when Baekhyun first arrived. At first, Baekhyun thought he was just hallucinating for noticing make up covering the stress under Chanyeol’s eyes but he confirmed that it was due to the pills Chanyeol was taking.

Chanyeol still took the same medication only now, he was being treated at the same time. It wasn’t long before the stress marks vanished from Chanyeol’s eyes and he was back to the way he used to look.

When Baekhyun had a discussion with the doctor, as the petite man was so stubborn on finding a cure to Chanyeol’s multiple organ failure, the doctor already went all out on popping his bubble that if the illness wasn’t treated on time, the physiological effects are irreversible.

The doctor reminded Baekhyun though that the illness’s symptoms were that of normal fevers and common sicknesses and that it couldn’t be helped if the patient didn’t notice it was already complex.

~…~

On their last day, Chanyeol felt excited that they could finally begin with their house. He readied everything and he held the blueprints happily as he kept on asking which among the properties Baekhyun found they would settle in.

Baekhyun would just give Chanyeol a half smile and rest his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder.

As much as possible, he confided all the sorrow that was latching onto him. Every time they sleep, Baekhyun would spend the night watching Chanyeol and praying for a miracle that would just make his time bomb disappear.

And during the morning, he would buy ingredients to cook a healthy meal for Chanyeol. In the month they were together, Baekhyun never felt the bliss he had for years.

Both of them were aware that Chanyeol’s days could be counted in less than two calendars. It would be a miracle if Chanyeol still lives after two years and even if that’s the only miracle available, Baekhyun prayed for that.

He didn’t show Chanyeol that he was grieving… Chanyeol hated seeing Baekhyun cry over him. So when Baekhyun couldn’t hold the tears back anymore, he would hide inside the bathroom and weep silently, forcing the tears to stop.

~…~

After a few months since Chanyeol started engineering their house, he’s been acting like he was okay even when he’s not. His treatment at the hospital was effective in making him look healthy but on the inside, he just gets worse and worse. His pills though, helped him forget the pain and it was the only thing effective.

Whenever he would be embellished with an attack when he forgets to take his medicine, he would wish that things would go back the way they used to be. And the more he suffered, the more he wanted to finish the house sooner.

~…~

When they were having dinner together, the usual conversation started. Baekhyun would ask if Chanyeol had any attacks and if he took all his medicine. It had been the usual flow of their conversation. They never talked about the random things they usually talk about and they never saw each other smile again.

Their apartment unit, which was the noisiest among all, became quiet and lifeless. Their neighbors were just surprised to find out that their unit was still occupied.

Things between Chanyeol and Baekhyun changed.

When Chanyeol noticed the atmosphere pressing awkwardly heavy on him, he stood up from the table. “I’m finished.”

Baekhyun called him back, “Yeol, please sit down,” he said calmly.

Chanyeol planted his hands on his hips and turned to Baekhyun. Looking at his boyfriend who changed so much after finding out about his illness, he did as he was told.

“Please finish what I cooked for you,” Baekhyun requested monotonously.

Chanyeol took a fork in hand and as he looked at the plate of his half-eaten food, he wiped his mouth and stabbed the fork on the plate.

“Yeol, what is wrong with you?” Baekhyun was surprised at Chanyeol’s sudden change of mood.

“What’s wrong with me?” Chanyeol asked, “What’s wrong with you? Ever since you found out about this stupid illness, you’ve changed, Baek. I feel like you’re just my caretaker not my lover.”

“I’m doing everything I can to make you feel better, Yeol. Why are you suddenly acting like this?”

“I won’t ever be better, Baek,” Chanyeol gritted his teeth; “You and I both know that. Since you have me treated, I haven’t gotten any better. In fact, I’m suffering more now. The attacks just keep getting worse.” Chanyeol turned his back on Baekhyun, “But it could never hurt more when I feel that you’ve changed so much.”

“Yeol…”

“I know, Baek… I know that you would hide inside the bathroom to cry. I know you would stare at me with pity every night and it’s hurting me more than the attacks. It hurts me to think that we could never be like before. Isn’t it true, Baek?” Chanyeol asked, “It’s true, isn’t it? That I could never feel like we were before?”

Chanyeol walked to the living room and grabbed something from under their coffee table.

Baekhyun followed.

“Do you see these, Baek?” Chanyeol displayed three journals similar to what he gives Baekhyun every month, “I bought you these for gift-giving which we never had since we returned.”

Baekhyun swallowed, reluctantly opening his mouth to speak only to close it again.

Chanyeol kept on, “Our relationship anniversary was a month ago, Baek,” Chanyeol almost yelled, “A month ago! And you were always the one who remembers our occasions by heart.” Calming his self, Chanyeol laid the journals on the coffee table, “You just… stopped.”

Baekhyun covered his mouth with his hand as streams of tears escaped his eyes. He just started realizing that all of what Chanyeol said was true. Since they arrived from where Chanyeol worked, he became unaware of everything around him and followed his routine of going to the hospital, buying Chanyeol’s medicine and cooking his food.

He’s forgotten everything else and he seemed like a programmed caretaker. Caring but not actually caring.

He stood in silence as everything came to him.

Chanyeol waited for his answer but Baekhyun couldn’t give any. In the end, they were faced with a standoff which Chanyeol forfeited by walking out.

Baekhyun’s held-off cry only became worse as Chanyeol went to bed without him.

~…~

Baekhyun spent the night washing the dishes, distracting himself from sleep. He felt afraid to sleep beside Chanyeol especially after having that conversation which made him realize how different of a person he was. He wanted to make up for Chanyeol.

When he realized that their relationship wasn’t like that of before, Baekhyun planned that it was time to take things back to the way they used to be.

~…~

When Chanyeol woke up the next morning, he followed his usual routine Baekhyun created. He went to the dining table where breakfast was laid for them. However, Baekhyun wasn’t there.

Chanyeol looked around but found him nowhere. On top of the table along where his breakfast was laid was a basket of chocolate. With it, a note read:

_“If you’re still upset, eat a chocolate :) It will make you happy… but BREAKFAST FIRST!”_

Chanyeol smiled but erased it immediately. Beside his breakfast, he saw another note.

_“I’ll be back later this evening with a surprise. Don’t forget to take your medicines, I LOVE YOU.”_

The frustration from last night vanished from Chanyeol’s heart and he went to work happily, looking forward to Baekhyun’s surprise that evening.

~…~

Chanyeol waited excitedly for Baekhyun’s return. He placed his phone on top of the table, waiting for Baekhyun’s text message. When it was exactly eight pm, when they usually have their dinner, Baekhyun still wasn’t back.

Chanyeol checked his phone but there wasn’t a single message from Baekhyun. He waited a few more minutes, creating alibis for his never-late boyfriend. Baekhyun had always been the punctual one. In every date Chanyeol sets for them, Baekhyun would always arrive exactly if not a minute early on the appointed time.

This was unnatural.

Fifteen minutes passed and Chanyeol still hasn’t received any messages from Baekhyun. Even if Baekhyun would be late, he always informed Chanyeol.

Worried that something might have happened, Chanyeol sent a few text messages asking where Baekhyun is. After a few more minutes of no reply, Chanyeol called.

Baekhyun’s phone was ringing but he wasn’t picking up.

Chanyeol dialed again but it was still unattended.

His worries eventually became anxiety which didn’t help clear the situation at all. He stood up from his seat and started walking back and forth, thinking where Baekhyun might be. He held on to his phone like his life depended on it and kept on looking every second if Baekhyun had contacted him.

Then there was a call that devastated him. The man introduced himself as a nurse from the hospital where Baekhyun was confined. Chanyeol had many questions in mind but immediately after knowing which room Baekhyun was admitted, he ended the call and rushed to the hospital.

~…~

Apparently, there had been an accident downtown earlier. Two buses clashed and unfortunately, Baekhyun rode in one of the unlucky buses.

Baekhyun was lucky to have survived the accident but he was in a state of comatose due to the damage on his head.

The doctor explained to Chanyeol about Baekhyun’s injuries and that he needs further physiological tests to ensure that there wasn’t any damage left unseen.

Regarding Baekhyun’s comatose, it was uncertain when he would wake up.

“Anytime,” the doctor said but Chanyeol well knew that behind that ‘anytime’ might be ‘never’. He didn’t wish for that. He cursed himself for having that thought and he prayed for Baekhyun’s return.

According to the rescuers, Baekhyun was saved by a life-sized stuffed toy he was hugging when the accident happened. It was soft enough to cushion any further physical injuries.

When Chanyeol asked for the item, it was nowhere to be found. It was obvious that it was already been thrown away along with other remnants found in the accident scene.

Chanyeol only regretted and blamed himself for what happened to Baekhyun. If he hadn’t been hard on Baekhyun the last night, Baekhyun wouldn’t have been caught up in that accident.

~…~

Baekhyun’s hospital room practically became Chanyeol’s temporary home. He brought a futon where he sleeps on every night and his medicines which he needed.

He cut his working time to three hours and basically just monitored the construction ongoing with their soon-to-be-finished house.

Immediately after supervising, he would return to the hospital to take care of Baekhyun.

Chanyeol never let the nurses in charge of Baekhyun’s hygiene touch him. Chanyeol was well aware on how to clean Baekhyun and he did it himself. He only let the nurses replace Baekhyun’s dextrose and inject his medicine.

The rest, Chanyeol did for Baekhyun.

~…~

Since Baekhyun was hospitalized, Chanyeol felt himself deteriorate. When his sessions with doctors were cut off and he only relied on his medicine, attacks became more frequent and slowly, he could feel himself weaken.

In one of the times when he was attacked even after taking his medicine, Chanyeol realized that his flight might be getting sooner. But he was confident that the house would be long finished by then. What kept him kicking was Baekhyun.

He didn’t want to die without Baekhyun even knowing… it’s a cruel way to leave but at the same time, he thought, at the very least, Baekhyun wouldn’t get hurt. At least, he wouldn’t be hurting the person he loves most.

He told Baekhyun that after the house is finished, he was gonna introduce Baekhyun to his family and likewise with Baekhyun. Circumstance hindered their plan but their dream since college was about to come true. Besides not being able to introduce themselves to each other’s family, their marriage was also prevented due to circumstance. And Chanyeol even planned that they would spend their first night at the house as their honeymoon.

Even if it’s just a day, Chanyeol thought. Even if they could just spend one day doing all of their activities inside their dream house, he would leave with the brightest smile.

If ever he’s still alive when Baekhyun wakes up, he would spend every occasion, every holiday inside their house. They could start with gift-giving, then their relationship anniversary, Baekhyun’s birthday followed by Halloween, Christmas, Chanyeol’s birthday and lastly New Year.

Tears started escaping Chanyeol’s eyes as he held Baekhyun’s hand. It didn’t feel cold to him because his hands were colder. When he touched Baekhyun, he felt weak.

~…~

When the house was fully finished, Chanyeol’s only regret was staring at it without Baekhyun beside him. Baekhyun was still hospitalized. It was his third month since his comatose and Chanyeol’s thoughts of leaving without Baekhyun knowing is slowly coming true.

But he tried to look at the positive side.

Even though he hated being treated by doctors, he forced himself to have sessions just to prolong his hanging life until Baekhyun wakes up. Various liquids were injected to Chanyeol and the medicines he used to intake increased in variety.

The time of ingestion was also altered. If in the past he just needs to take his medicine three times a day, it became five or six now with in-between meals.

He was suffering more than he used to and he even needed a metal stake to support his mobility. Nevertheless he continued to care for Baekhyun.

Sitting beside Baekhyun, Chanyeol held Baekhyun’s hand.

“Guess what, Baek,” Chanyeol wore a smile, “Our dream house isn’t a dream anymore… it’s finished.” Chanyeol chortled, “Do you hear me, Baek? It’s finished so why don’t you wake up so we could spend our days there?” Chanyeol stammered.

Before he knew it, he was already drowning in tears, “Come on, Baek. Let’s go home… please,” he begged. Not that it would do any good but he kept on anyways. “You still have a lot to do, right?” Chanyeol was reminded of Baekhyun’s plans.

Back then, he didn’t give much attention to what Baekhyun was saying because he was so sure that he’d be dead before it even happens… but now every detail Baekhyun planned was coming back to him. He only felt guilty that he became cold on Baekhyun all day long on his birthday.

He wanted to relive that day and make sure that Baekhyun enjoyed every minute with him. Even when Baekhyun showed Chanyeol that he was having fun, deep down Chanyeol knew that he wasn’t and he cursed his past self for having to be so stubborn.

Burying his face on Baekhyun’s bed, he was alerted to Baekhyun grunting. He was surprised and he felt Baekhyun’s hand twitch.

For all Chanyeol knows, God answered his prayers. Baekhyun was coming back.

He rang the buzzer to call the nurses and informed them of the comatose-patient’s awakening.

Chanyeol locked his hand with Baekhyun’s and kissed it as he watched Baekhyun’s weak eyes open.

Although much has changed to Baekhyun’s physical appearance, when Chanyeol looked through those eyes that sparkle, it was though as if he never changed at all.

“Welcome back, Baek,” Chanyeol greeted.

Baekhyun stared at Chanyeol for a while and then at his surroundings. He opened his mouth to say something but no sound came out. Chanyeol only saw his lips curve to a pattern he didn’t know.

After a while, Baekhyun closed his eyes again and Chanyeol felt Baekhyun grip his hand weakly.

~…~

The other day, the doctor came to check on Baekhyun’s condition. Chanyeol wanted to know when Baekhyun could discharge. If there were some therapies to speed up his healing process, he’d gladly acquire.

Waiting outside Baekhyun’s room, Chanyeol peeked to check on the doctor if he was finished with his tests. When the doctor came out, he called Chanyeol immediately.

He showed Chanyeol a piece of paper with various questions presumably answered by Baekhyun. The first question was, “What is your name?” and Baekhyun’s answer was “Baek” just “Baek”. He didn’t write his full name.

“Judging from what he knows, he seems to be suffering from a severe memory loss,” the doctor said, “Stay here two more days and we’ll see if his memories would return. For now, introduce yourself to him.”

Without saying anything else, the doctor left.

Chanyeol remained standing outside. In blatant terms, Baekhyun has amnesia. When Chanyeol realized that, all hope was lost. The Baekhyun confined inside that room is still Baekhyun but to his eyes, will he still be Chanyeol?

Taking a step inside, Chanyeol observed Baekhyun’s reaction when he entered. Baekhyun just stared at the wall, completely passive of everything around him and it was when Chanyeol held his hand did he react.

Baekhyun slowly took back his hand from Chanyeol’s grip but didn’t say anything.

“Do you remember who I am?” Chanyeol asked, keeping the tears behind his eyes.

With a subtle nod, Baekhyun disagreed and stared on the wall in silence.

~…~

“Two days” the doctor said and Baekhyun’s memories might return. For two days, Chanyeol hoped. For two days, he observed Baekhyun’s behavior.

Baekhyun had frequent headaches attacking him. They weren’t the normal headaches from stress, they were far something more. Whenever Baekhyun would have these attacks, he would pull his hair so tight and keep yelling.

Nurses had to inject numerous pain relievers and sedatives to calm Baekhyun down and after every attack, Baekhyun would stare at Chanyeol solemnly, his mouth curving to a pattern before drifting into sleep.

The two days eventually became a week and Baekhyun wasn’t getting any better and the same is with Chanyeol.

Chanyeol took all the responsibility in taking care of Baekhyun despite of his dying situation. When he discharged Baekhyun out of the hospital, they returned to their apartment-home and called the movers to pack their stuff.

Chanyeol, however, packed their personal belongings himself.

His attention was lured to a box underneath the shelf of books. It was his first time seeing that box and he felt curious to what was inside it.

Laying the old box on their bed, he dusted off the top of it and opened the cover to see numerous journals – Baekhyun’s journals. It was his monthly gift to Baekhyun in their gift-giving and each journal contained a complete recording of the months’ days.

They were arranged according to month and the journals at the very bottom were rustic and faded.

Taking the journal from the very top, he realized it was Baekhyun’s last journal since he left. He read:

_Dear Yeol,_

_“FIGHT”_

_We shared that one word since college and it got us through our hardships. This is just the first day without you yet I already feel so incomplete. This day, I accidentally bought dinner for two people. I had to eat it all because it would be a waste and it was then when I realized I could have just eaten the other one for breakfast. Now the expense was doubled. I just hope I adjust sooner and I wish that time would go faster. Twenty-four hours still hasn’t passed yet I feel like it’s already been a year. Until you return, I’ll keep on fighting._

_I’m lucky I have you…_

Chanyeol wasn’t aware of the smile that formed on his face. He kept flipping on the pages reading each entry twice or thrice, laughing at Baekhyun’s clumsiness. Even though it’s been already a week, Baekhyun would still mention he keeps on including Chanyeol in buying meals.

The last entry of the journal read:

_Dear Yeol,_

_Today was supposed to be gift-giving. It’s been a month since you left and guess what; my expenses on meals have never been higher. I think I might be getting a little fat. Well after today, I guess I’ll really be fat. I was at the candy store where I buy your usual gifts. I was only reminded that you weren’t here anymore when I already purchased the basket of chocolates. The owner of the store was really kind to me. He handpicked all of your favorite chocolates according to how often I buy them and along with that he imparted with me a lesson._

_Chocolates can make you happy! It’s hormonal… or so I understood but whenever I feel lonely, I’ll just eat one chocolate. Don’t be surprised if I’ll be obese when I visit you eleven months from now because I’m lonely every day without you._

_Moreover, I just found out that love can last forever. Love and chocolate… I learned a lot from that man. His wife apparently died and he told me that his wife is carrying their love in the afterlife so when he follows her, they could continue to make their love last forever._

_I didn’t like the idea of one dying though… It’s just… unfathomable._

_I’m so lucky I have you…_

Chanyeol didn’t realize that he was staring emptily at the journal after reading. Drops of tears blotted out a few words in the journal and it was only then when he realized he was already crying.

~…~

On the same day, although weak and having frequent attacks, Chanyeol still took Baekhyun out. They went to the movies which Baekhyun enjoyed. Chanyeol picked the genre of what they were going to watch. Baekhyun always loved romantic-comedies and even though he had no idea it was his favorite, he enjoyed it still.

After watching one movie, Chanyeol took Baekhyun to the bookstore. At first Baekhyun didn’t know what to do but when Chanyeol told him to pick any book that he liked, he’ll read it for him. Delighted to have heard such a generous offer, Baekhyun scoured the entire bookstore.

After a while, he returned to Chanyeol with a book in hand, “This seems interesting,” Baekhyun showed Chanyeol the book.

Chanyeol read the title and realized Baekhyun already owned that book, “You already have this book,” Chanyeol said, “Don’t you want to try picking something else?”

Baekhyun stared at the book for long, his expression changing volatilely. He rubbed his head before answering, “This one seems really interesting.”

“I’ll read you that once we get home,” Chanyeol smiled, “You can go pick another one.”

Baekhyun did as Chanyeol told him and they were met with the same scenario again. Every book Baekhyun picked were copies of the books he already read. In the end, Chanyeol suggested that he would just read Baekhyun his entire shelf of books.

Baekhyun agreed happily.

Nighttime came and their last destination was the park. Chanyeol brought a few street foods from carts and stalls and sat with Baekhyun on the bench.

Chanyeol didn’t eat much since he wasn’t allowed. He just watched in silence as Baekhyun munched on their traditional food since high school.

A few minutes of silence passed and none of them talked. Chanyeol had nothing to talk about. Baekhyun had nothing to share.

Chanyeol was just surprised when he heard Baekhyun ask, “Hey, Chanyeol, what am I to you?”

Chanyeol felt pained to the sound of his own name in Baekhyun’s voice. He wasn’t used to hearing it fully… not in Baekhyun’s voice at least and the fact that Baekhyun addressed him that way proved he doesn’t remember who Chanyeol was.

“Why did you suddenly ask?” Chanyeol returned.

Baekhyun shrugged, “The way you interact with me… it feels–I feel at ease. I feel so safe around you even when there’s no danger.”

Chanyeol bit his tongue. Even if he would tell Baekhyun, not much would happen since Baekhyun doesn’t remember who he is. Plus, he didn’t want to hurt himself more by recalling their irretrievable past.

“We’re friends, Baek… really close friends,” Chanyeol answered.

Baekhyun repeated, “Just friends?” His expression shifted and Chanyeol asked him what was wrong.

Baekhyun shrugged and told Chanyeol that something inside his chest hurt.

~…~

When the day was finished, they returned to their new home. From the fence to the deepest foundation, it was all the product of their hard work.

The dreams they thought would come true inside the house though remained dreams.

Chanyeol didn’t bother touring Baekhyun around the house because of his fatigue. When they reached their bedroom, Chanyeol took his medicines and proceeded to bed.

~…~

Chanyeol returned to the hospital after a week. Once again, numerous liquids were injected to him.

The usual flow of the conversation started. The doctor informed him to return on this date, prescribes him the medicine which increased in dosage and variety. Chanyeol couldn’t take much more of it.

He left the clinic bitterly.

On his way back, Baekhyun’s doctor recognized Chanyeol and intercepted him as he walked.

The doctor asked for a word and they sat at the hallway chairs.

Chanyeol didn’t pay much attention to the doctor’s medical terms. The fact that the doctor couldn’t say what he wanted to say blatantly proved that it was bad news.

~…~

Mornings were spent on Chanyeol reading to Baekhyun like he promised. In the afternoon, they watched movies together and immediately after sundown, Chanyeol went straight to bed.

Baekhyun slept beside him but there was no contact. Even though they were so close, they were so far apart. In the times when Baekhyun would question their relationship, Chanyeol would always say they were just friends.

Baekhyun would retort, saying if it was natural for friends to be sleeping on the same bed every night or the very thought of living in the same house. Chanyeol would laugh weakly and invite Baekhyun close, whispering in his ear, “We’re a different type of friends.”

~…~

Chanyeol stopped his sessions at the hospital and it was time for him to let go. His medicines were already futile and his life wasn’t getting any longer. He only held on to the edge of a knife because he hoped that Baekhyun’s memories would return.

And he realized that they will never return. Even if it did, he won’t be there to witness it. And he took that matter into account. He didn’t want to hurt Baekhyun in the future if his memories come back.

In just a week, Chanyeol called a lawyer and settled everything to be entitled to Baekhyun.

When he was weaker than before, he finally let go of his selfishness and contacted Baekhyun’s family.

He didn’t want Baekhyun to be there when he dies. In the future, if Baekhyun remembers, he could always return to their dream house and it will be his relic of their love.

When Baekhyun’s family arrived, the first to greet him was his mother. Baekhyun’s father went straight to Chanyeol, eyeing the dying man with contempt. Chanyeol couldn’t blame him, months passed and they didn’t even know what happened to Baekhyun.

So it was natural if Baekhyun’s family held a grudge against him.

“I’m sorry for keeping him,” Chanyeol apologized weakly, “I just hoped he would be back with himself a few months…”

Baekhyun’s father let out a deep sigh and let go of what he had to say. After seeing Chanyeol so weak and apparently dying, it was no way to treat him badly.

Slowly, Chanyeol stood up and handed Baekhyun’s father his luggage full of Baekhyun’s clothes.

Without saying anything else, Baekhyun’s father invited that they leave.

“One last thing, sir,” Chanyeol forced his voice to be loud; “I’d like to have one moment with Baekhyun.”

When they faced each other, Chanyeol cupped Baekhyun’s face. He didn’t mind if Baekhyun’s parents were watching. They’ve kept their relationship in secrecy for years and it was time they found out even if it won’t matter in Baekhyun’s part.

Slowly and weakly, Chanyeol pulled Baekhyun to a last embrace, dug his cheeks on the soft strands of Baekhyun’s hair and took one last whiff of his scent.

“Goodbye, Baek…”

Chanyeol backtracked and for a second, he heard Baekhyun whisper, “Yeol,” but he disregarded it, thinking it was just his imagination.

~…~

A few weeks passed and Baekhyun was irresponsive back in his own home. The luggage containing his clothes was left unopened for he used his clothes at his family’s house.

He would spend the day sitting at the garden, staring at one space silently. Baekhyun had a weekly checkup with doctors. His family still hoped that his condition might get better.

Numerous neuropsychological and neurophysiological tests were done on Baekhyun and the results were all the same.

Baekhyun’s family only hoped for a miracle.

When Baekhyun returned to his room, he finally opened the luggage for when he first arrived and started digging through the clothes. He was uncertain of his own action but he kept on anyway.

Underneath all his clothes, there was a journal. Opening it slowly, a note fell down. Picking it up, he read:

_Happy last gift-giving, Baek… make the most of it._

_I LOVE YOU_

“Make the most of it…” Baekhyun said under his breath. Although it was his first time reading that combination of words, he felt like he’s heard it multiple times before. There was a lot of attachment on that phrase.

He was confused. Chanyeol told him they were just friends yet he feels like they were something more. When Chanyeol told him they were ‘just’ friends, it hurt him. He had no idea why but the feeling was there.

Even more, after reading the note with an ‘I love you’ at the bottom, he realized Chanyeol lied. That person was special to him.

Rushing outside of his room, he begged his parents if he could return to Chanyeol. Although uncertain of what Baekhyun’s relationship with Chanyeol was, his parents granted him his dying wish.

~…~

Baekhyun was led upstairs by Chanyeol’s caretaker back at their house. From the stairs, Baekhyun could hear grunts and groans and he didn’t need to remember what those sounds meant. They were cries of pain – Chanyeol’s pain and he was affected just as badly.

When they arrived inside, the caretaker shot Chanyeol his pain reliever and left the two to converse. It hasn’t been so long when he left yet Chanyeol looked pitiful. Beside his bed was a table full of pills, capsules and liquids. Chanyeol became completely reliant on medicine.

When Chanyeol had calmed down, Baekhyun sat beside him on his bed.

“You’re here…” Chanyeol whispered but the tone of his voice was that of disappointment.

Baekhyun wasn’t aware of it but he was already in pain just by looking at the stranger he’s only known for weeks. He suffered just as much when he would witness Chanyeol’s attacks. And the question, “What are we to each other?” kept bothering him.

Chanyeol never gave him an honest answer. He always retorted with that “We’re just friends.” But Baekhyun couldn’t accept that somehow.

Taking in deep breaths, Baekhyun calmed his voice, “You said we’re just friends…”

Chanyeol nodded weakly.

“But sometimes I feel like we’re something more,” Like peering through disturbed waters, the image Baekhyun could understand was abstract. It’s there somewhere but he couldn’t put all the pieces together. He was like a shattered vase, a disarranged jigsaw puzzle and Chanyeol was the only one who could put him back.

“I feel so incomplete but I don’t know what’s missing,” Baekhyun continued, “There are certain times in the day where I feel like I have to do something but don’t know what. Please, Chanyeol, you’re the only one who can clear these things for me.”

Chanyeol inhaled deeply, “We’re… friends…” he exhaled, “Really… really close friends.”

Baekhyun wasn’t surprised at Chanyeol’s answer. It’s always been that but he felt so dissatisfied and he felt like Chanyeol was lying. He took out the note from the journal and showed it to Chanyeol, reading it aloud.

“What does that mean?” Baekhyun asked, “Do friends just say ‘I love you’ this way?”

“We do…”

“Chanyeol–”

“We never got married, Baek,” Chanyeol interjected with little strength he had and his eyes which were barely open, produced tears that traced its way on his cheeks. He continued, “This house… this very house was our dream since we stepped on our first year of college. We planned on spending our first night here as our honeymoon, we planned on introducing each other to our families, we planned to live happily ever after but… things happened.”

Baekhyun expected he’d get clarity once he talks to Chanyeol but he was more confused than before. What he thought would enlighten him only made him question more.

“I don’t… understand,” Baekhyun swallowed.

Chanyeol turned weakly, calling Baekhyun, “Come close, Baek…” he whispered.

Baekhyun approached.

“Closer,”

When they were about faced to each other, Chanyeol swiped a kiss from Baekhyun, surprising the man who passively returned his kiss.

Baekhyun didn’t feel the need to resist. He thought it was foreign but his body knew well what Chanyeol was doing. He felt like the puzzle piece that’s been missing was Chanyeol all along.

His head was attacked with a throbbing pain but only for a second. He looked at Chanyeol, his eyes squinting to the weak man.

“Yeol…”

“You’re back…” after releasing those words, Chanyeol smiled and rubbed the back of his fingers on Baekhyun’s cheek before it limped to fall on the side of his bed, cold and lifeless.


End file.
